Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
