Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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