My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
