How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
