so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
