corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
