I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
