So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I could fuck to npr.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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