im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
