The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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