Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
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