I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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