all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
