If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
