I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
