I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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