i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Randomize