I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
