Got a toothbrush?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
