You were right. It hurts to walk today.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
