well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
