I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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