it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize