I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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