this beer tastes like vomit already
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
