you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
