she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
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