I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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