I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Randomize
