It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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