so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
