she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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