Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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