she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
