Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
