Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
