I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
