Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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