something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
