He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
A+ Viking dick
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
