he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
