In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
