By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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