You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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