New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I have peed in a lot of sinks
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
