so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
now i know why i became what i already was.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize