i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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