eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
