i just had sex bonerless
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
