I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
