dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
There's even glitter on my cock...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
