allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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