You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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