Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
