ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
