You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
