nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Randomize
