My brain says no but my pants say off.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
