Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
