Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
