i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
