also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
