sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
