then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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