Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
